Just when we feel we've seen enough misery, suffering and tragedy, the unfortunates of the World are dealt another telling blow to the midriff when one of the internet's last havens for the lost, desolate, deranged and generally weird...the Crazy Apple Rumors Site Mega-Post is mysteriously taken off the air leaving many die hard fans stranded in the vacuum of nowhere to post.
Long time Crackerjack host, Leslie Crowther, sends this report from Seattle.
Scenes of chaos and confusion here today as thousand upon thousand of deviant misfits converge upon the Seattle headquarters of the Crazy Apple Rumors Site. While it seems like days, it is only a few minutes since the much loved Mega-Post was taken over, it seems, by a horrendous php coding malevolence. Trying to control the outraged mob is police chief Gil Kerlikowske. I asked Chief Kerlikowske if he thought it might rain on Sunday.* "Sunday they're forecasting fine weather, so if you've a picnic planned, all should be swell. Tickety boo if you like."
I was able to obtain, from a source fearing for their life, the cell phone number of Crazy Apple Rumor Site supremo John Moltz. I called Moltz** and asked if he felt older than he felt when he was twenty, younger than he thinks he might feel when he's sixty, satisfied with his choice of heavily patterned Bermuda shorts for summer and if he felt pasta should be eaten with a fork and knife or fork and spoon. Moltz declined to answer most of my questions and told me he had never heard of Crazy Apple Rumors Site or the Mega-Post. He did tell me that the difference between turtles and tortoises was that one had a hard shell and the other was easily crushed.
I spoke with the crowd and one of the most disheveled was Del who had come all the way from Michigan,***
Me:Del, you've come a long way, what are you hoping for?
Del: I saw a sign for cheese whizz. Is this the cheese whizz?
The Peeled Apple can no longer report on this tragic event because it's very late and we've got to go to bed. But we open our doors to the Cais the Dels the 2000guitars the psykos all the...well all the nice people. Post here, post here, eat my friends eat.
*May not have any factual content.
***No one here can remember writing this.